There is a certain maturity that is required of teenagers and young adults living with a long term illness. Now, most people, particularly adults, see this maturity as a plus; growing up and functioning as a full member of society, aware of the world. Sure, having the emotional maturity to deal with being diagnosed with a blood borne disease is a plus, without it, everyday life would be unbearable. But it also is stealing away my youth. Dealing with the doctor appointments, side effects, and stress during the length of treatment has aged me a great deal. This is the part that isn't fair. I am bald, fat, and I chew Tums like they are candy. I'm excited by being able to walk to the end of the block in the days following chemo. I'm sorry but that is an accomplishment for an 80 year old, not a teenager. I miss having energy. I miss my hair. I miss being smart. I miss being unconcerned with the functionality of my body. Quite frankly, I'm tired of being sick.
I just hope that my illness can be a lesson for myself and the people around me to cherish livelihood. I think it's pretty simply summed up in that quote, "youth is wasted on the young." My hope is to defunct that quote from application to my life and the lives of my loved ones. Because there's one thing I absolutely know is true; once I've finally kicked HL to the curb, I am enjoying every day of my young, precious life. I'm not wasting any time. I can't wait to be a silly teenager again. For now, I can only coast in my old-fart lifestyle, Tums in hand.
