Life in Limbo

In the last two months, I have become a professional waiter. And no, by that I do not mean someone dressed in black slacks and a white button down who takes your order at a restaurant. I mean someone who has their professional career, or in my case, educational career, put on hiatus while their lymphatic system attempts to recreate something resembling the American Civil War. My life has become a progression of widely spaced events buffered by prolonged periods of waiting. Waiting to see doctors, waiting to have blood drawn, waiting for chemo to be administered. Waiting....constantly, essentially rendering my life in limbo. Until today.

Beginning the end of January, I have had two cycles (containing two treatments each) of my beloved chemo regiment, ABVD, administered. Since then, I have waited patiently as my four new friends, adriamycin, bleomycin, vinblastine, and dacarbazine dawned blue uniforms to fight the grey backs of my malignancy. Beside the occasional fatigue and indigestion, I was absolutely unaware of the success of my chemo comrades. Again, I found myself waiting, unsure of whether this poisonous concoction I was allowing into my bloodstream was fighting to preserve my livelihood or allowing enemy infiltration on the home-front. 

After completing the last treatment for cycle number two, it was time to finally reveal the progress of my disease. The anticipation for my PET scan was almost unbearable, but once again, my professional expertise in waiting allowed me to get through it smoothly enough. The next day I received a telegram concerning the troops on the front line (a call from my oncologist with my test results). The mass was shrinking. I was simultaneously relieved and proud of my brave chemo soldiers; and more realistically the miraculous work of the medical community and the individuals who spend their lives researching for the betterment of humanity. This appreciation ignited and fueled in me the realization of a new-found passion. 

Previously, I had never thought that I would, should, or even could be a doctor of any kind. That career option simply never presented itself to me in a realistic manner. But as I spent time researching and reading about the expansiveness of knowledge yet to be discovered in the world of medicine, something in me confirmed the idea that I should at least try to pursue a career in the medical field. There still is not an answer for what causes Hodgkin's lymphoma or a slew of other cancers and diseases and I see no reason why I can't be the person to find out. 

Although I don't have any choice regarding the waiting I must do on the road to remission, I at least have discovered a light at the end of the tunnel. Despite the fact that I currently reside in a limbo state, I will continue to build excitement and prepare for my opportunity to return to school and start on the road to the rest of my life. Until then, I cheer on my little chemo friends and forgive them for making me bald.